kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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