Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
