Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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