So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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