i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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