i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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