just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
