Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Duck Duck Cougar?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
