So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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