Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
