How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
