Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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