i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
