you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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