he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
