drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
