i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
