ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
