At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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