its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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