I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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