Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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