he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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