Your face is a jimmy john
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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