i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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