I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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