My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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