the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
