Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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