Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
