WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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