I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
