just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
