y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
