She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
