3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
