I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
