I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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