is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
