ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
