I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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