mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
