Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
