What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
