did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
