Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
