In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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