Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
