Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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