I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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