I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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