you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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