Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
