Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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